Amanda Stanton

A message to the single mommy’s ❤️

September 15, 2016 40 Comments

Hi everyone! I have been truly touched by the hundreds of emails and messages I have received from other single mothers! I absolutely love hearing all of your stories and am truly humbled that so many of you look to me for advice. I WISH I could respond to each and every one of you…but you have all inspired me to get a little personal and write this little message to all of you.

I became a single mother when Kinsley was barely two and Charlie was a newborn. My parents moved halfway across the country to St Louis 6 months prior, I was trying to lose the 40 pounds I gained during pregnancy, still breastfeeding and throwing a pity party for myself while living in a family friends house in Malibu. Meanwhile, their father was dating multiple girls he was meeting on Tinder, became a regular at the local bars and was going on trips to Vegas with his friends every other weekend. I remember thinking it was so unfair that he could just break up our family and then go back to living his life the way he did pre-children while my world completely revolved around them. Finding someone new was the last thing on my mind. 2 months after we moved out, I still hadn’t filed for divorce yet because it was too much of a mission to go to the courthouse with the babies. I had my hands FULL (& that’s  an understatement). I actually remember getting a text from my (probably drunk) ex that read: “you can’t divorce me… you’ll be 25 & divorced with two kids…no one will ever want you!” (HA! How do you feel about that now, buddy?! 🤔 side note: you’re never stuck!) On top of being overwhelmed and extremely angry, I felt guilty and blamed myself for not giving my kids the life I had always dreamed of giving them. I felt so much guilt that they were growing up with not only parents who weren’t together, but parents who couldn’t get along, not even for their sake. I quickly realized that so many of the things I worried about and felt guilty over were out of my control. I decided instead of being embarrassed of my failed marriage and ashamed of being a single mother, I was going to OWN it. Being the best mother you can be and giving your kids the BEST life possible has nothing to do with your relationship status and you don’t have to be happily married to have a “picture perfect family.” In all honesty, the two and a half years I’ve spent as a single mom were the best years of my entire life. I learned so much about myself as a mother and as a person. I’ve created the MOST special bond with Kinsley and Charlie. They’re my best friends. I am so proud of everything we have been through together and even more proud of who they have grown into as individuals. Going on the show, I was hoping (but not expecting) to find someone, not to complete me, but to add more love and happiness to mine and the girls lives. I found that with Josh! I feel like the absolute luckiest girl in the world to have met someone like him (even in the craziest of ways). He truly loves Kinsley and Charlie like they’re his own and they adore him right back. He is hands down the most loving, patient and understanding person I have ever met. He reminds me everyday of what’s really important in life and keeps me in check when I start to forget. He is a better person than me, that’s for sure. I’m not sure what I did to deserve someone like him. He is our angel! I didn’t think men like Josh even existed, but I’m telling you first hand that they do! Never settle and be patient because your “Josh” is out there somewhere! 😉 We are so excited to start this new chapter in our lives as a family but the memories I have of just the three of us girls are memories I will love and cherish forever and ever! Embrace it! 😘

40 Comments

  1. Reply

    Alexa Gonzales

    September 15, 2016

    I am so happy for you. You deserve it. Both of you do. I feel like you weren’t someone who needed a man. It came because it was your time. I’m a true believer that things happen for a reason. So glad you both found your happiness.

  2. Reply

    Tammy Harper

    September 15, 2016

    I love reading this, I love seeing everyone so happy.. Did Josh bring his dog to join your family? He spoke so much about his dog and we never see a picture of her with the new family 🙁

    • Reply

      Lexi Brian

      September 15, 2016

      Yes, he did! If you follow them on snapchat you’ll see that Kins is a big helper with sable and they snuggle together:)

  3. Reply

    Shirley Ynoquio

    September 15, 2016

    This made me cry. Not only because I feel like I’m stuck in that stage and don’t know how to get out of it but because I know I am not alone. Your words have inspired me. Thank you and I hope you and Josh just the best of everything. Your daughters are beautiful I’m glad for you

  4. Reply

    Jill Anderson

    September 15, 2016

    Great message of embracing life’s struggles, love and finding happily ever after! Being a parent is so tough and it’s amazing to see Josh is now your partner in the parenting adventure. Wishing you all the blessings and joy life has to offer!

  5. Reply

    Catherine

    September 15, 2016

    You are an inspiration, Amanda! Your girls will look up to your strength and sweetness through that time so much. Thanks for sharing your heart with us!
    xoxo,
    Catherine
    http://www.classiccatherine.com

  6. Reply

    kgburns

    September 15, 2016

    Thank you for sharing, Amanda. Sometimes I feel stuck as a single mom to a 1 year old, feeling like I won’t ever find someone good enough for my daughter and I. And thank you Josh, for showing women like me that good men still exist in this world. I wish your adorable family the absolute best!

  7. Reply

    Patrice

    September 15, 2016

    Amanda, love you & I’m so happy your story went to happiness & love, from heartbreak and being done so dirty by your ex. You inspire women everywhere. I’m a married mom of 2 little ones & the respect I have for you is off the charts. So happy you found your angel Josh & he found 3 angels, you, Kins & Char. Now I’ll dry my eyes filled with happy tears for the four of you. Congrats, girl, you deserve all these good things & Josh Murray will be the best daddy to your girls. xoxox #BestFairytaleLoveStoryEver

  8. Reply

    Leisel

    September 15, 2016

    Reading this was like a play by play of exactly what I went through when my husband chose a party lifestyle over his marriage and newborn baby girl. When your partner in life abandones ship like that it can feel like life couldn’t get any lower but the truth is you have no where to go but up. The world is brand new again and waiting for you to get your life back when your ready and it can be so much better than before with the right match! I am happily remarried to an amazing husband and I would go through 7 years of a hard marriage to my ex all over again if it led me to my better life now. I’m so happy for you that your life has turned out for the better now. You are so sweet and the cutest mom, I am so happy for you!

  9. Reply

    Cindy

    September 15, 2016

    This so beautiful. You deserve the best. I’m am beyond happy for you guys. You deserve happiness, you’ve been through so much. Your girls will always be so proud of you. I love you and you’re such a great role model💘

  10. Reply

    Felicia

    September 15, 2016

    What an inspiring story!!!!! Wish you,?Josh and the little cuties nothing but love and happiness forever.

  11. Reply

    BCRN

    September 15, 2016

    Amanda, I was a single mom not once, but twice! I, each time, never went into either marriage ever expecting it to end either. I did the best I could as a single mom, each time (1-son from each marriage ). After round 2, I realized that the most important thing was not another relationship, although yes, I obviously hoped for it. It was about co-parenting, with my ex,to the best of our ability. I can’t speak of the 1st, as I was 19 when I married, and just wanted out of a very dysfunctional life. BIG MISTAKE!
    The 2nd, we both put our son first, above all else, to make sure he had the best life possible, despite being from divorced parents. I’m happy to say, I think we did a great job, together! We were just better separate as parents, then as a couple. It worked well!
    I, like you always wanted to find the “right one “. I did, at one point, but when I was about to graduate nursing school, I realized I didn’t need a man to survive anymore, I regretfully broke up with a man who to this day, is definitely the ONE who I let get away.
    I’m brutally honest, to a fault sometimes. I’ll be honest, I really never thought you and Josh would not only make it out of BIP together, but that it was real. I saw a side of you both, I never bothered to “try to see before “. You’re definitely much more grounded and intuitive then I thought. I hope you take all this as a compliment, as that’s what it completely is! I also just thought Josh was on the show, to really get back at Nick so to speak, rather than the sincere man, I ended up seeing by the end of the show. (Sorry Josh, just being honest ). I now, especially after reading this, what you wrote, and seeing the 4 of you together, see that I was wrong, on all counts! I hope you’ll accept my apologies for being too ready to judge, but also accept my heart felt well wishes for the future, it’s obvious, that you, Josh and your beautiful daughters are going to have! I’m truly happy for you and have a new found respect for you, both, as your love continues to grow, and your future is getting brighter by the day!!! From a “previous skeptic “, to truly a cheerleader for you all, best of everything in the future. From “learned not to judge in Michigan “…..#GodBless 💏💑👭🖒💖💖

  12. Reply

    Tracey

    September 15, 2016

    First of all our stories are almost identical. My kids were two and three when I met the love of my life. It’s been 20 years this month and I wouldn’t change a thing. It takes a real man to step up and raise someone else’s children . Not only that my kids love him as if he were their real father. There is hope out there ladies . Congratulations to you and josh !

  13. Reply

    Susan Williams

    September 15, 2016

    Really touching! I have to admit I was one of the non-believers watching BIP. It really is amazing how they edit the show. You are one smart cookie to realize, at such a young age, you and the girls were enough. I was left with 3 children some years ago and also felt the guilt of not having the family for them I always wished for. Thinking that our family was not complete because it wasn’t the way I envisioned, made me make some not really goo choices. I did learn a lot along the way though. Unfortunately, I was not lucky enough to meet a “Josh”. I wish you and your new family all the happiness in the world!!

  14. Reply

    Tyanna

    September 15, 2016

    You need to put your story out there. WRITE A BOOK ASAP!
    xx

  15. Reply

    Kayce

    September 16, 2016

    So happy for you, Josh, and the girls. Don’t let the negative people get in your way. So proud of y’all!

  16. Reply

    Ashley Casey

    September 16, 2016

    This is awesome and makes me so happy for you and all single mothers out there. I am now also a single mother because I chose life. But because I chose life I get to look at my daughter everyday and watch her grow. She is my journey now and I look forward to one day sharing our journey with someone. Until then, it’s me and my best friend.

    Love,

    Ashley & Sophia

    P.S Go DAWGS!

  17. Reply

    katylynnrobinson

    September 16, 2016

    Amanda your story is so inspiring! I am so happy for you and your perfect family! I am so happy to hear you have found love with the man of your dreams – a real man who doesn’t shy away from responsibility and puts faith and family first. Love you all so much!

  18. Reply

    Emily

    September 16, 2016

    Okay this made me change my mind about You and Josh! I was judgemental (wrong to judge I know) and I’m sorry because this story made me like want to cry! I’m 25 with a 1 yr old boy and I’m scared to death of the exact thing your ex wrote to you (he is probably kicking himself now seeing you in the arms of one of the best looking men to exist)! but it’s a scary thought. Well clearly he was wrong and your happy and beautiful smart and kind, & I’m so happy for your Beautiful family Xoxo

  19. Reply

    Susan Brown

    September 16, 2016

    Blessings of joy always.

  20. Reply

    Ray

    September 16, 2016

    Amanda!

    I’ve been a fan of yours since you first stepped out of that limo on Ben’s season! You were my favorite! And I’ve always been a fan since! I’m so happy you found someone and although I had a few doubts about how he would treat you and how he would really handle kids and real life, post BIP with you, but I love seeing all those pics and I’m really so happy for you and him and the girls! I’m really praying it works out for y’all bc y’all deserve it! I’ll always be a fan and I’ll always be rooting for y’all!!

    Much love!

  21. Reply

    Brittany Bachelor

    September 16, 2016

    Thank you so much Amanda for this encouragement. I seriously needed to hear this. I am 26 and have been divorced for almost two years. I was a single mom at 24 with a two year old and a newborn. Dating with a family is so scary to me, and it’s so hard to decipher the men from the boys. I haven’t been in the dating world since I was 18 and things have majorly changed. Seeing your love story with Josh helped me to see that there are great MEN out there I just need to be patient and wait. Much love from Oregon!

  22. Reply

    Courtney Jo Turner

    September 16, 2016

    I have enjoyed getting to know you (well as much as one can by watching a TV show) but I have always liked you! You seem genuine and you can really see how much you love your girls and would do anything for them. I have 2 children with my Ex Husband who are 9 & 10 now. I was divorced for 3 years before I met my now husband. We dated for 2 years and got married 4/2015 and had a son of our own in 5/2015. He is the sweetest man and loves me and my kids and our son. We hardly fight and when we do its over what’s or dinner. I am so happy I am not in that negative relationship anymore and I wish more women knew their worth and value! I hope nothing but the best for you and Josh and the girls! Can’t WAIT to see you guys get married and have babies of your own! xoxo Courtney

  23. Reply

    Jessica

    September 16, 2016

    Couldn’t be happier for the two of you and that you have found your one 🙂 I had my doubts at first but seeing you guys together and hearing you talk about him is truly heartwarming . you guys are the most adorable family and I wish you all the happiness in your new journey together <3 your such a great person . I loved following you and your life with your girls !

  24. Reply

    theBerrySweetLife

    September 16, 2016

    LOVE this! I am a single mom and dating is seriously the worst part about it. I got pregnant in high school and have no contact with the “dad” so that makes it a little easier. But so inspiring to know that there are men like Josh out there that will step up for you AND your girls. You are so blessed and reading your blog gives me hope.

  25. Reply

    katie

    September 17, 2016

    thank you for this very personal post and putting yourself out there even though you dont have to. You are giving other women encouragement and inspiration and making some feel like they are not alone.

  26. Reply

    Jordan Monroe

    September 17, 2016

    Mommies not the possessive mommy’s — love you, Amanda!

  27. Reply

    Sam

    September 18, 2016

    This is so hopeful! I am 22 and still in college. When I found out and watched the bachelor I just kept praying my relationship won’t turn out how your first one did. We are so young and I can’t gaurentee we will be together with how much he goes out still. It hurts me thinking of how I will do this alone but this blog post is inspiring and hopeful that I’ll meet my “Josh” too!

  28. Reply

    Antonia

    September 18, 2016

    Thanks you so much Amanda for such beautiful kind words. You are truly amazing so sweet and beautiful. Such an amazing mom and I’m so happy you and Josh found each other. I too am a single mom with two girls and I never envisioned my life that way but I have embraced it and just enjoying it to the fullest inspite of all of my adversities. My heart is open to receive love again and I know that my Josh is out there thanks for openly reminding me of such great news and I can’t wait to meet him. Love you Amanda i so look forward to your special day❤️

  29. Reply

    Sarah Parker

    September 18, 2016

    I love your story but talking negative about your ex is more like Andi. Who cares what he did wrong? Don’t give him of the credit of mattering after you left. YOU grew, YOU were strong. YOU have moved on to a love you always wanted. Take the high road and don’t mention his faults. Just my opinion. Him being on Tender, etc isn’t your story. It’s his. You seem to be an amazing mom and a kind person. Never meet him at his level by even acknowledging him. Some people think Josh is wrong for not telling his side. I have a feeling the truth about her is worse and I respect he isn’t giving in to public opinion or pressure. It is not anyone’s business and he may be keeping in confidence things that are worse but he has enough character and class not to go there. I can see you are an inspiration to single moms and God is using you:)

  30. Reply

    annalisepilar

    September 19, 2016

    I can relate and appreciate you sharing your story. thank you! http://www.annalisepilar.wordpress.com

  31. Reply

    Mylan

    September 19, 2016

    Wow, this piece opens you up to a lot of your fans. I love that this was a personal piece, rather than one on fashion. I agree with an earlier comment, it would be fascinating if you wrote a book!

    I hate how much BIP edited you and Josh’s love story, whereas the snaps you both post provide a different story and you two seem perfect.

    All the best.

  32. Reply

    JAMES W FLYNN

    September 20, 2016

    Rooting for you both Amanda. Words of wisdom to all you single mothers out there trying to find your Josh. Realize that grown men who are responsible, successful, good decision makers are out there, but they are way outnumbered by Bozo’s. If your man has bad credit, blames everyone but himself for his lot in life, has failed past relationships, makes lousy decisions etc…. you are not going to “fix” him. He’s just broken, move on and don’t waste valuable time. Just realize that when your successful, kind, respectful, responsible guy comes along, he’s likely NOT going to look like Josh. You should snap him up in a heartbeat anyways. Good luck to you all!

  33. Reply

    Vanessa

    September 25, 2016

    Amanda- I am a newly divorced woman with two children also. And I have been on dates but I’m over it since I don’t feel anything with them or see a major red flag. I think to myself is there any good guys out there or they all taken?! Your story gives me hope. In the meantime I am enjoying my two children and making the best out of every situation. Hopefully one day a good man comes into our life.

  34. Reply

    B.Rylee Mom

    September 29, 2016

    I really enjoyed reading this post. I’m so glad that even with life’s challenges and hardships you’ve kept your head up and feet moving. It’s awesome to see such a beautiful ending to your story. I think you’re family is so blessed.

  35. Reply

    kh123856

    October 3, 2016

    You are amazing! I can’t imagine becoming a single mom. Thanks for sharing your story!

    http://sistergiftideasguide.com/best-present-mom/

  36. Reply

    Jessica

    November 22, 2016

    You are so right! Being a single mom challenges you in ways you could never imagine as a person and the feeling of being stuck will keep people in situations longer than they should be. Every mom wants a beautiful life for their kids. We wish for it. Josh is also amazing for jumping right in and embracing you and the girls. Takes a real man to do this and he seems like a doll. Congrats to you for finding peace and a place called home. Enjoy your the holidays together as a family.

  37. Reply

    AlonsoSAB

    March 15, 2017

    Спасибо за актульную информацию, если что смотреть тут xozyaika.com

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